


horse d'oeuvre

by quenive



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, horses make dirk really happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 01:46:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8351506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quenive/pseuds/quenive
Summary: In which Dirk experiences the frightening beauty of a fully grown adult horse for the first time ever.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most self-indulgent shit I ever wrote in my entire life.

The phone in your pocket gently vibrates. You feel the outline of it through the fabric of your pants, as if to double check if it's actually there. However, you don't stop looking at Dave while he continues to talk up a storm about a subject you tuned out for a second. As you focus your brain and make it tune the fuck back in, you kind of make peace with the fact that you'll never fully grasp the shit he's been stirring up for you. Therefore, answering the question you're pretty sure is rhetorical qualifies as something you're really not ready for.

"...it wouldn't be jumping the shark, right? Well they're literally doing it but I mean, like, the figurative way?" He presses his lips in a thin line and sinks deeper into the couch. You see him obviously thinking and contemplating whether or not he should ask. Finally, he speaks. "Did adult me ever do the Spongebob underwear thing? Like, did he ever overexpose a thing so much that it became the lowest of low in a pit of failure?"

The phone vibrates throughout his question. You feel it on your hand, and it's soothing as much as it is anxiety-inducing.

"Yeah." You answer. "In an ironic way. He aggrandized a fashion line so much that the mere mention of it became a nuisance to the listener, but then it proceeded to make a full flip back into being the best fucking thing out there. If you overexpose the overexposure, it kinda kills itself off."

"What was the line all about?"

"Dick cozies and hood ornament lingerie."

Dave suddenly snorts, sinks deeper. His ass wasn't even on the seat anymore, it was on the far edge. The seat belonged to his back while his neck was elevated by the back of the sofa. He's gone too far.

"It's getting a tributary remake." Dave uses his middle and index fingers to rub his left eye under his shades. He gets his phone out and starts typing faster than you could ever hope to. Sure, he can pay a tribute to his alter self. There's no rule that says he can't.

You bite your lip and dip your fingers into your pocket to get your phone out. The lock screen lights up with a selfie you took with Rose and a salamander and you can't restrain a soft smile curling the edges of your lips upwards. Pesterchum is indicating a few new messages from a certain pink TG. You've been expecting messages so it comes as a surprise when your heart instantly increases its beat when you click on her chumhandle. The anticipation is murder, but you ban it from showing.

TG: yo di stri  
TG: guess what just came in the mail today  
TG: i can assure you it aint a bunch of gross bills bc we dont gotta pay those no more  
TG: well we never kinda did but we also never kinda have to  
TG: but yo guess  
TT: I don't know. A personal letter from Steve Martin?  
TG: u wish u were that cool  
TG: the mail is a metaphor dork there is no mail  
TT: I got that. How much longer are you going to keep on slandering the actual meaning of metaphor, though?  
TG: ur slandering slander  
TT: *ur'e.  
TG: go fuck ur'eself  
TG: nd u still didnt guess  
TT: Okay, hint me.

Your heartbeat doesn't stop being annoyingly furious. You have a pretty solid guess on what's in the proverbial mailbox, but you really want her to say it.

TG: its huge and white and it lives under the illusion that my hair is hay  
TG: which like  
TG: totes isnt hay :0  
TT: Color me clueless.  
TG: id color u stupid if i didnt know u were doing this on purps  
TG: ye fucker im onto ya  
TG: cant put one over on the ol roxx  
TG: u just want me to say that i got a oversized pony just for u and only YOU  
TG: practically nickering ur name here  
TG: oh dirk o dirk where for areth though dirk

As a contrast to Dave, you straighten up and shuffle your shoulders until they pop. You nudge his side with your foot and he looks up from his phone. Then you show him your phone and soon enough he's trying to shuffle back up.

"So, are we going?" Dave asks once he's fully on his ass.

"One sec." You reply, getting back to Roxy.

TT: It's finally here.  
TG: cmon show us some enthusiasm  
TT: If I got any more eccentric my skeleton would jump out of my skin and do the cha cha's for your eyes only.  
TG: thats the spirit!! :3  
TG: now drag your spiked ass over here all three of us gals are getting restless  
TT: Sparing zero time as we speak.

You shove your phone back into your pocket and stand up.

"Yeah, let's go."

* * * *

There's a place all of you singled out just for this. This rest and relaxation spot, shit to do when you're not busy with the whole "we created a new universe we now have to manage" thing. Dave and you like to chill in the cottages sometimes. Little, cozy, wooden. Unlike the concrete both of you are used to, this feels less intense. Sure, your previous homes do have the nostalgia factor to them, but this is new and enticing. Outside of it there's a large lake. Lakes in person are greatly different from the ocean. There are no tides, no natural waves. It's a strange feeling to swim in it while having the knowledge of there being no risk of unpleasantly swallowing a large amount of salt.

Dave and you walked through the grassy meadows. Behind your chill zone, there's a seemingly peaceful forest Jake enjoys a lot. The grassy terrain you're on now stretches wide, but there's no sun being a pesky fucker at the moment. A few friendly white clouds block its rays so walking under it is nothing other than comfortable. The air is clear and fresh. Some bees buzz in the background, working tirelessly to pollinate flowers and make the main home planet a better place. Bees are one of the first animals all of you agreed to make.

Your palms are sweaty. Dave is absently dropping some ill beats, softly beatboxing one second and quietly whisper-rapping the next. You don't mind. Listening to him is soothing in a way.

At one point there's a path, outlined by large grey stones, and covered in smaller flat ones which form tiles. Shoes make a pleasant sound against them, you notice. A lodge is in the distance, now visible as a mere silhouette as both of you walk in pleasant silence.

The lodge is built in the shape of Jane's former house, but it's wooden. The material is the only thing you're able to tell those houses apart since that really is the only difference. The inside of it is identical to the one prior as well. All around you there's all kinds of flora radiating all kinds of smells, full of life and pleasant vibes. This much vegetation was a sensory overload at first, and you still never got used to it. Honestly, you hope you never do. There's just so much satisfaction in being able to get overwhelmed by such small things.

As you get closer, you notice Jane standing in the front yard dicking around on her phone. She notices you two when she lifts her head up from her phone and begins to wave nearly frantically. 

And when you get close _enough_ she basically grabs your arm and pulls you aside, away from Dave.

"She's in the backyard!" Jane gets straight to the chase while you and Dave share a look. You're kind of stiff, nervous. Jesus fuck, man, focus. You're going to see the first horse in new history, not go on a date with Snoop Dogg.

Life and void powers combined can make some amazing things, you conclude as you allow yourself to get pulled through the house. John and his "father" greet you in the living room, but it kind of sounds blurry. Like you're hearing them talking behind thick glass, muffled and distant. Dave's voice is much clearer when he greets them with a "sup". He stops to verbally exchange information with John. You proceed to get pulled through the house, then out to the backyard.

Once again, inwardly you cower. Horses were always the most sincere fascination you had, as much as you are ashamed to admit it. The ironic facade is the biggest ruse. Your heart is going to burst with all the love you have for the once extinct creatures. You've had a pony in your life, albeit a pony slightly smaller than a cat. We don't talk about her, not since the accident.

A full sized adult horse, however, you have not seen yet. You saw a lot of pictures. They looked big and strong. Capable, pure. One of your biggest wishes is to hug one, and it seems unreal that it's coming true.

Your pupils dilate under your shades when you see it. Roxy is holding a rope which is loosely tied to the neck of a large white horse, taller than her. She's gently petting its nose. It eases into the touch, fully content. You eye it from ear to hoof, taking in the pure whiteness of its color and the undamaged features of the animal. Jane releases your arm, it flops down to your side.

Roxy slowly turns her head to look at you two. She makes no sudden movements, but smiles widely at your flabbergasted demeanor. Jane nudges you.

"Well go on." Her voice is the epitome of enthusiasm. You wince at the gentle nudge, nearly stumbling forward as you take a step. "She's super friendly and calm. You're going to get along just great!"

 _And big._ You add on the inside. The heart in your chest feels like it's going to burst any second now.

"We're still thinkin' of a name." Roxy adds, beckoning you with a gesture she makes with the hand holding the rope.

"Oh yeah?" Fuck, your voice is out of tune and hitting twenty five different tones one after another. You clear your throat, Jane giggles. The horse turns her head away from Roxy's touch and looks directly at you. You're practically melting on the inside as you hesitantly step forward. Her mane looks amazingly soft. It's flowy and untangled, white as the rest of her. And that's a lot of horse to go around. She's so. Fucking. Big. "Any ideas so far?"

"I suggested Maplehoof the Second." Jane proclaims. Roxy shakes her head.

"But that'd only trigger Rose." Her face literally had the ":/" expression. You fight the urge to snort like a horse yourself.

"What about Macrohoof?" You hear your brother's voice. When you glance back, you see him leaning on the doorframe, relaxed stance and arms folded over his chest. That motherfucker, why can't he be as excited as you? "Because I swear to shit that's the biggest fucking horse I ever saw in my god damned life."

Oh yeah. You almost forgot he's seen horses before.

"That doesn't sound remotely adorable." Roxy frowns, tangling her fingers through the mane you previously observed. You felt an unusual jolt of envy shoot through you, but it's quickly disregarded when you take into consideration the way her eyes observed you right back.

A cloud must have fucked off away from the sun because its rays suddenly found their way to you. The way they hit the horse's fur, her mane. It made her shine and pop. She almost looked fragile even at that size, as if she was going to melt like that, assaulted by the merciless sun.

"What about Snowflake?" You blurt out.

"Man, that has to be one of the most overused names in the history of overused names." Dave states. His tone wasn't venomous, but it sure made you want to give him a noogie later.

"Well I think it's quite fetching." Jane agrees with you.

"Snowflake it is." Roxy thirds. "Now c'mere, it's rude to keep a gal waiting." She gestures at you with her hand again and you're reminded that your feet are basically nailed down to the ground. You take a deep breath and a few steps forward. Snowflake doesn't take her eyes off of you, you look up.

"Uhh..?" You ask while sending a questioning look at Roxy.

"Oh! Right." She snorts. "Take off those shades, boi."

You open your mouth to ask, but think again. It's better if you just roll with it, so you take them off and hook them to the collar of your white shirt.

Snowflake shakes her head. You stumble back, startled.

"Woahh, easy there girl." Roxy soothes her with a graze. Snowflake doesn't look distressed, rather curious to say the least. Roxy sighs and turns to you. "Stick your arm out."

You find yourself reenacting that one scene from HTTYD when you stretch your arm. You attempt to keep your palm from being stiff, but it'd look more unnatural relaxed.

Snowflake curiously brings her snout close to your hand. You are suddenly reminded of all the ways she could bite down on it and break your bones. The images you have in your head are oddly vivid, your hand almost falls.

But then she puffs hot air on it and you just keep on melting. She makes first contact, connecting her nose with your hand.

It feels odd, you stay frozen for a short while before gathering the guts to move your hand up. Judging by the sudden nicker she gives you it's obvious that she does in fact fancy you. Yep, you're a steaming pile of goo now.

"See? She likes you." Jane chuckles again, Roxy nods furiously in agreement.

"Why is she so white?" You ask with little thought, still focused on petting the large horse in front of you.

"Oh my god, Dirk." Dave groans. "You can't just ask horses why they're white." Jane makes a similar groan regarding his distasteful comment.

"She's the most basic horse we could cook up." Roxy explains. "We're just glad she doesn't have four eyes or three legs." She frowns. "I've had enough mutated animals to last me a lifetime."

You finally turn to Roxy, though you keep your hand on the side of Snowlake's face.

"Does that mean she lacks a personality?" You ask. Roxy shrugs.

"We dunno yet."

"At first I was scared she'd be aggressive and in need of containment." Jane adds. "But she's as gentle as, well, a snowflake."

You hum and trace her features with your hand. You also step to the side next to Roxy while you do so, hand going down the horse's neck and stopping at the loose rope.

"You sure that's enough?" You ask, thinking practical. "I mean, there's still a chance of her going rogue, isn't it?" Using your other hand you caress her mane. It's just as soft as it looks and you are not disappointed.

"I don't think there is." Roxy pats your shoulder. "This is permanent shit, Di. Gentle giant nation."

You smile. The way the sun hits her eyes is mesmerizing. A weird mixture of hazelnut and orange, you decide. They shine beautifully and you don't even care that your face is a canvas of painted emotions at this point.

"Wellp, I've lost all interest. If you need me I'll be inside." Dave says. You cannot _believe_ you two are related. Well, you can. But this does it for you. You see his future and it's full of wet willies.

"And I've got a meatloaf in the oven." Jane mentions. "You're lucky you're just in time for lunch!" She timed this as best she could, obviously. Her meatloaf is the shit though, but you'd rather stay with the horse a little longer.

Those two scamper off. You're left with Roxy and Snowflake. Not complaining one bit.

"Are you happy?" Roxy asks, voice suddenly brought down to a whisper.

It takes a while for you to answer her question. She doesn't rush you one bit. Your hand is still on the rope, the other one still on her soft mane. Snowflake shuffles her head a bit. You observe the way her neck muscles tense and relax, and how she keeps focus on you even when it seems as though she's glancing around.

She moves her head again. You're caught off guard when she lowers it over your shoulder hesitantly, experimentally. You freeze for a second and she figures it's okay to rest her heavy head on you. It's more than okay.

You move your hands so that you're hugging around her neck. She nickers again, next to your ear. You're smiling like a dork. Her fur doesn't stop being soft to the touch, your heart doesn't stop beating like crazy. Closing your eyes comes oddly natural. You take a deep breath. She smells like baby powder and vanilla.

Your voice is barely audible but it says so much. It radiates more emotion than your expression ever could. It's soft and weak, Roxy nearly winces.

"Yeah."

**Author's Note:**

> Later on Jane probably teaches Dirk how to ride because she got lessons as a kid. He decides he prefers hugging horses to riding them.


End file.
